Today just as the perfect moment I got a text from one of my closest friends in the world, the text simply said “Gary Allan, Every Storm, you gotta get it”. I waited a bit then Google'd the song and the words made me breathless, I often tell my friends that it is a God thing when those moments happen.
It has been so difficult for me to actually sit down and put into words the way I feel, not only this week, but also every week. I fear saying the wrong thing for messing up the rest of my life, I fear not saying enough and shutting down mentally, and I fear that I step on toes or running off readers when I do talk.
I deep down inside believe that life is beautiful and living your life to the fullest does not mean that you have to have everything you just have to love what you do have. My house, my home, my family, my kids, my world, and my heart has been hit and destroyed by one terrible storm. Every day I wake up and I pray that this storm has just been a dream, and then I pray that God will give me strength to weather this storm, and lastly I pray that he will remind me to continue to have faith in him through this awful storm.
Some days I feel like I am alone in this world, other days I feel like I am surrounded, or being closed in on and just want to be alone. There are moments that I am raising my hands and praising God for all my blessings, then there are moments that I am raising my hands and “Why in the hell did this happen to me?”
To say that I love my kids, is an understatement, to say that my kids are my world is not saying enough, to be honest I am not sure that my world could continue without my kids. I look at their little faces and my heart not only overflows with joy, but my heart breaks knowing that they are weathering this storm right beside me.
This week unexpectedly I have met several moms that are standing in the same spot as where I stand today, feeling similar pain as I feel, and having the same fears as I am having. It felt good to know that I am not the only one that cries myself to sleep, I am not the only one who worries for their babies future, I am not the only who praises and then questions God, and I am not the only one who feels like shutting out the world.
While I have no solution, no answer, no words of wisdom, no heart-to-heart to advice, no place to send you to find your happy place, no key to the open the magic door. I can tell you that our storms will run out of rain, every dark night turns into day, and every heartache will fade away, don’t be scared to talk you might find someone fighting a similar battle.
Hugs to my fellow Moms & Dads that are facing a same storm.
~Becky
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